girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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