is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
