I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
