Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
