Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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