She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
