the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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