i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
