think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
