i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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