it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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