Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hippo gnu deer
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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