This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
