Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
