Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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