me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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