none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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