I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
