Me too!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
