Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
