I queefed so loud it echoed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
as a side note pls kill me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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