Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
