I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
