Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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