Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
