I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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