New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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