wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
