found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
