So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
