he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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