just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Still dying that you shit outside
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
