I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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