If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
