I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
smell my finger.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
