I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
