just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Someone came in the potted fern
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
