are you still at the devil's house?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
