Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The struggles of a small town man whore
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
