my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
