if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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