She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
