Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
