Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
