Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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