The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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