Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
