A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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