You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize