Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
