Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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