i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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