My nipple is on Facebook.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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