Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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