just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
