I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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