Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
