road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
