Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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