That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
