Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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