I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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