we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
