i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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