I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
