that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
