You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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